tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2619247842337416412.post3758089021804024452..comments2023-03-25T21:23:53.710+13:00Comments on Beyond The Silver Leaves: "You don't have to feel safe to feel unafraid."Clairehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01654869872368776026noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2619247842337416412.post-31915422701244315262011-05-30T13:03:31.126+12:002011-05-30T13:03:31.126+12:00"... being that I am unattractive, unintellig..."... being that I am unattractive, unintelligent, unsocial and generally pretty much not worth anything to anyone"<br /><br />You know this is the depression talking and is absolutely untrue, right? I can understand--while it's nothing the same as depression, I do have a bit of a tendency towards obsession/anxiety. Like, to a very irrational level. So recently, whenever I found myself obsessing over my latest fears (in sum: my application for an apartment was turned down, it ruined my life, what was wrong with me? My credit? My rental history? Dear God, I'm calling every number on craigslist till I find a new place--and then searching until two in the morning and refreshing the page because where will I live??; also checking my email with the new application at every moment, including on my phone when I have no access to computer, because Christ I can't stop worrying and who do I have to call and I'm making a gazillion backup plans!), I would cut myself off mid-thought with: "stop. stop." And think of something else.<br /><br />It's hard for me to convey how obsessive I became over the past weeks, but it actively interfered with my work, and definitely with my writing. I couldn't concentrate on anything but my fears. So, I'm trying to prevent myself from turning into someone as compulsive and anxious as my father, and I think catching myself--being aware of the tendency and actively stopping it--has helped.<br /><br />Claire love, you're very beautiful. You look lovely, and I know for a fact (unless the writing you've been sending me all these years has been someone else's work) that you're very intelligent, too, and being antisocial just means you're an introvert, which most of us writer types are anyways. You should tell yourself that whenever you start thinking down on yourself.<br /><br />Also, I think it's normal to use writing as therapy. I've sometimes had chats with my characters when I'm feeling unsure about something. I've even written these conversations down, so don't fear being the only dork. ;-) We all kind of are, and kind of have to be, to do what we do.<br /><br />I am, however, elated that you might use your moods as fuel to write more about Eliot!<br /><br />As for raptors--totally cool! I love the peregrine. Fastest animal on the planet in a stoop--they are completely amazing animals.G.B. Skyehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13798228862436721498noreply@blogger.com